How Not to Care What the Neighbours Think - October 2020

By Pascale Lutz


You can effectively live your life without being bothered by other people’s judgement and non-asked-for opinions.

I live in Ireland and I was pretty amazed at the importance people put on other people’s opinions. People they don’t even have a high regard for.  People they don’t have any respect for.  Maybe it is because Ireland is such a small country, and quite a small community, in the sense that everybody more or less knows everybody.  Some people gossiping about everybody doesn’t help the matter, but it must be typical of any small community.  It would be the same in France in the country, in small villages, or anywhere else in the world.  


The thing is not to allow other people’s judgement affect how we feel about ourselves. I am from Paris and I was brought up with a strong sense of “do not care about what people think of you, as long as you you don’t harm anyone or step on people’s toes do whatever you want, whatever you please, and whatever feels right for you”.  That instilled a confidence in me that it was all right to be different, as long as I was hurting nobody in the process.  


My hair is dyed orange and I wear the brightest coloured clothes, well, not pink though, as it would clash with my hair!  I love my look and am very comfortable in my own skin.  I know for a fact some people whisper behind my back, but why should I care what they think? Those are the very people who shouldn’t matter in my life, whereas the people who truly care about me and love me think that if it makes me happy, then why not?  They might not dress or dye their hair like me, but they understand what makes me happy and they are happy for me.  People who offer their opinon when you haven’t asked them have always annoyed me.  If I wanted their opinion and advice, I would have asked them, (like I would ask my best friends, how I really look in this dress.  Because I know they are going to give it to me straight, and in asking them, I am prepared to accept the honest answer)


What right have they got to tell you this haircut doesn’t really suits you, or this dress would be better off left in the shop.  There may be jealousy, or plain nastiness.  Like, “Who does she think she is?”  Why can’t they be simply happy for you?  Is their life so shallow that they have to care about what other people say or think or do and then go and criticize them?  Why would you pay heed to their nastiness when you know their comment is going to hurt your feelings?  Do you value their opinion?  Do you feel that comment comes from a good place in their heart and is well meaning?  Never allow other people to affect your feelings towards yourself if it’s going to be negative and not constructive.  Otherwise you will be “at fault” for allowing them to hurt you.  Do not give them that power over you.


When you are faced with an opinion or an advice you haven’t asked for, you can reply very calmy; “oh really, well, I really like it. as it happens”. Stand firm and don’t be apologetic, but sure of yourself and sure about what you’re wearing or doing or saying.  Who are they to command you not to do this, or say that, or wear this or that?  Maybe you are making a mistake.  Maybe they are right.  But remember that if you feel at that precise moment in your life that what you’re doing or saying or wearing is right, then you are right.  Maybe you need to make that mistake (if it is one) to grow spiritually and learn from your mistake.  Everything happens for a reason, and if you were not meant to do, or say or wear that, you wouldn’t.  Sometimes our “mistakes” lead us to something richer and more fullfilling and rewarding and allows us to move forward, like stepping stones.  No one, even your mother, your father, your spouse, your children, your teacher, your best friend, can know what’s right for you.  No-one, only you.  


If it feels right for you, go for it!  Who cares!!

Pascale LutzPascale's Bio: My name is Pascale. I am originally from France and have been living in Ireland since 1985 with my French husband Xavier. I adore animals, cats in particular, and even though we haven’t got one, I love feeding (and cuddling) all our neighbour’s cats, who consider our home as their luxury residential holiday home! I’m trying to keep fit so I go to the gym regularly and love rollerblading, when the Irish weather permits, ahem! We currently live in Douglas, Cork, Ireland. I am a bass player in a brilliant rock and blues band, a fully qualified beauty therapist since 1983, an EFT and Matrix Reimprinting practitioner since 2007, (Emotional Freedom Technique, which is like acupuncture without the needles and releases the emotional charge attached to as problem or an issue) and an IET therapist since 206 (Integrated Energy Therapy, which is healing with the angels). You don’t have to be in Cork for an EFT session, as it can be conducted on Skype. In May 2012 I published a book about angels and my healing journey called “Always there for you”. It also tells how I arrived in Ireland, the differences between France and Ireland, language, food, you name it, you’ll laugh at my culture shock! I make my own jewellery to cater for every taste and pieces can be made on demand at no extra cost. I currently have a monthly column on the OK in Health eMagazine. - Pascale Lutz Website - Email

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