OK In Health - Favourite Picks

The Insidious Nature of Emotional Abuse - July 2019

By Shauna Paynter

Woman in an emotional abusive relaionship

Is staying in an abusive relationship in hopes of change a healthy choice?

There are many reasons people choose to stay in an abusive relationship. One reason is, control by the abuser. This keeps us isolated, and over time, shame about the abuse begins to take over.

As time moves forward, the dysfunctional nature of the relationship lowers the victim’s self-esteem and personal confidence often causing withdrawal from friends and family.

This isolation fosters even more fear and dependency on the abuser. The victim’s sense of self diminishes and they begin to question their own sanity.

This is the scary part.

When you notice this happening, it is time to take a step toward yourself and reach out to the right people for help: By this I mean a professional.

  • Physiological Arousal Occurs During Abuse

We are biological creatures. As a result, our bodies become physically bonded to the abuser as a result of physiological arousal. The arousal occurs as a result of experiencing trauma.

This is a biological perspective that is backed by primary research by many scientists because it IS trauma you are experiencing. Trauma is stored in the body.

Fact: The longer you are in an abusive relationship the harder it is to leave. 

  • Shame and Isolation Fuel the Abuse

If you’re a victim of abuse, shame will often visit. You’ve been humiliated and your self-esteem and personal confidence have been undermined. Unfortunately, hiding the abuse from people close to you, often to protect the reputation of the abuser, fuels our shame. We find ourselves alone.

Abuser’s uses tactics to isolate you from friends and loved ones by criticizing them and making remarks designed to force you take sides. You’re either for them or against them. If the abuser feels slighted, then you have to take his or her side, or you’re befriending the enemy. This is designed to increase control over you and your dependence upon him or her.

Fact: As a human being you are deserving of love and respect as well as personal freedom. 

  • Take A Loving Step Toward Yourself

It’s essential to build outside resources and talk about what’s going on in your relationship. Keeping it secret will not serve you or your partner.

A professional is the best person, because you can build your self-esteem and learn how to help yourself without feeling judged or rushed into taking action.

Step 1: Identify “this is abuse“. Once you have done this, reach out for proper support.

Step 2: Set boundaries with your partner, and do not reward “bad behaviour”. This will most likely cause more strife. This is a sign. Pay attention.

Step 3: Get professional support. Focus on maintaining and augmenting your sense of self, because often you gave this up in the relationship.

Step 4: Get back to yourself. Continue on gaining a stronger grip on knowing what is best for you, you will be able to take the big actions required to safeguard yourself (and your children).

Fact: Setting boundaries with an abuser will increase strife and chaos. 

NOTE TO PARENTS: If you find yourself staying for the kids, give this a big second thought. Would you want your child staying in an abusive relationship? What are you teaching your child about relationships by staying in an abusive one?

Do you suspect your partner is a narcissist? If so, watch for more articles.




Shauna PaynterShauna's Bio: Shauna Paynter BSc, MA is a Registered Clinical Counsellor with over 16 years’ experience working with families, couples, adolescents and children. Safe & Sound Counselling Clinic is located at E-2009 Enterprise Way, Kelowna, BC, V1Y 9S9. Online sessions are available. Call or Text today 250-681-1100. - Shauna Paynter Website


Rejuv Beauty Cream by Ferlow Botanicals

Copyright © 2004- 2011 OKinHealth.com. This article is of the copyright of OK in Health and the author; any reproduction, duplication and transmission of the article are to have prior written approval by OK in Health or the author.

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER
This information and research is intended to be reliable, but its accuracy cannot be guaranteed. All material in this article is provided for information only and may not be construed as medical advice or instruction. No action or inaction should be taken based solely on the contents of this newsletter / e-magazine / website. Readers should consult their doctor and other qualified health professionals on any matter relating to their health and well-being. The information and opinions provided in this newsletter / e-magazine/website are believed to be accurate and sound, based on the best judgment available to the authors. Readers who fail to consult with appropriate health authorities assume the risk of any injuries. The publisher is not responsible for any errors or omissions. OK in Health is not responsible for the information in these articles or for any content included in this article which is intended as a guide only and should not be used as a substitute to seeking professional advice from either your doctor or a registered specialist for yourself or anyone else.
Connect with Us
facebook    twitter

Maria's Ireland Sacred Tours


Wellness Tip
Strength Training
The health benefits of strength (resistance) training include increased bone mass, increased muscle strength, and improved quality of daily living. Carrying groceries and lifting children become easier. Injury is less likely. The risks of developing obesity, diabetes, heart disease and high blood pressure are reduced. Strength training isn't about becoming muscle bound. Women, senior citizens and even men can receive the benefits without bulking up.


Celtic Healings Intuitive Readings with Maria O'Farrell Carr


Wellness Directory
Nancy Serwo & Associates
Specialty: Energy Workers
Life Transformed. Nancy provides 1:1 consultation for medical intuitive & quantum healing work and is certified to teach a series of powerful life changing workshops.
View Details


Ferlow botanicals - natural products


Event
Holistic Market & Psychic Fair
Date: Sep 13, 2020
Location: Kelowna & Central Okanagan
The Holistic Market brings together healing arts practitioners, artists, holistic vendors & speakers in Kelowna every month. Market dates are Sundays 11-4
View Details


Maria's Ireland Sacred Tours


Article
Ten Steps to a Healthy Father's Day
Forget the tie or the power tool, the best way to tell your dad you love him this Father's Day is to give him a gift that will help him live a long, healthy and happy life. While making an appointment to get his prostate checked may be a wee bit too clinical (and controversial) for Father's Day, and giving him the grandchildren he's been begging for may not be in the cards, there are loads of great ways to give the gift of health to the dad in your life.
Full Article


Maria's Ireland Sacred Tours


Recipe
Fresh Tomato Carrot Soup
Category: Soup
Description: This is a most delicious tomato soup. I prefer to use fresh tomatoes but you may use canned if you prefer. I like to make a country loaf of gluten free bread to serve with this but a chive and goat cheese corn bread or French bread would work as well.
Full Recipe


Maria's Ireland Sacred Tours