The Power of Conscious Parenting - January 2012

How to get your subconscious mind to help you create the happy family life you really want!

By Maggie Reigh, Kelowna, BC

Studies reveal that you are likely to replicate 85% of your parents’ behaviours! That can be a welcome thought to a certain degree but also a very scary thought.  Most of our reactive behaviour patterns were set in place before we even left the womb and imprinted deeply into our subconscious by the time we were six or eight  years old.

Perhaps that’s why author James Baldwin writes, “Children may not always listen to their parents but they rarely fail to imitate them!” So what does this mean to you as a parent? How can you shift those reactive patterns that you don’t like within yourself? And how do you keep from passing those behaviours onto your children? 

 Most of us try to teach our children by telling them what to do. “Do as I say and not as I do,” could be our silent plea. In reality, however, they are watching what we do.  And not just at those time when we are consciously showing them how to do something we want them to learn.

They’re watching how we behave all the time. How do we handle a flat tire? How do we handle the dishes when we’re tired? How do we “do mornings?”  Those are the behaviors they are watching and downloading, because their subconscious is wide open when they’re born and their brains are operating at a wave length that simply records everything we do.

How often do you go through your day and wonder where you’ve been and what you’ve been doing?  Most have had the experience of traveling down the road, by car, bus or even foot. Twenty minutes go by and suddenly we look around and we’re in a totally different place and have no recollection of how we got there!  Our subconscious programming got us there.

And that subconscious programming is going all the time.  Now we need it, but lots of time it gets us into trouble and it does not take us where we want to go. We’ve lost our temper again; we’re stuffing our face with food again; we’re criticizing our child again… and we  KNOW better… consciously.  But the subconscious programming is set!

Until the age of three, the subconscious is wide open and every experience creates thought patterns and beliefs that carry on throughout our lives.  Gradually, a kind of “crust” forms over the implanted beliefs and by the age of eight, core beliefs are sealed away deep inside.  Psychologist Carl Jung called this “crust” the critical mind.  It is now the job of the critical mind to keep out beliefs contrary to the ones already there.

That’s why it’s so hard to make a New Year’s resolution and change things like eating patterns, emotional flare ups, or anything else we want to change that is subconsciously set.

The good news is that we can shift those behaviours by understanding how to access the subconscious mind and by bringing consciousness to the subconscious patterns.

Consciousness is very powerful. Consciousness is that state of truly being alert and aware of what is going on. 

Whenever you think of it, bring your attention to how you are feeling inside. Notice muscle tension and relax.  Smile more often. Make it a point of looking into your child’s eyes and sending heart-felt love.

Here’s a simple practice that will help you to become far more Conscious of that subconscious programming, and will bring more enjoyment to every day life:*

Make a list of the chores that you do routinely that you find tedious, boring and even draining.  Pay special attention to those that involve your children.  Dressing them, feeding them, eating dinner together, doing the dishes, laundry, driving them to their activities, etc, are all examples of activities you may include on your list.  Don’t include anything on this list that you detest, though.  We’ll deal with that at another time. 

Now when you are engaged in these activities make a special point to be very aware and very alert about how you are carrying them out. Challenge yourself to find a way to enjoy them.  Feel enjoyment, or even playfulness bubbling up from inside of you.  Instead of pulling your child’s socks on in a hurry and cramming their arms into their jacket, enjoy this time as an opportunity to connect with your child. Invite your children to have fun as they help you “feed” the washing machine, sing or dance while you all clear the table, or just allow yourself to appreciate the fact that you can clear the table. 

My gift to you this year is to help you, step by step to unveil those subconscious programs that no longer work for you in your life and to help you shift them.  You’ll find information and exercises to keep you on track all year round that will help you see patterns you’ve been following that are out of line with what you REALLY want for you and your child.  We’ll explore ideas for alternative ways to approach situations that may better align with your own  inner wisdom.  We’ll investigate ways to access your subconscious, and re-create patterns that benefit you and your family.

We’re going to do all of this in a supportive and open community.  And it’s free! We’re starting this parenting hub at  www.maggiereigh.com .  Check it out. I want to hear from you; what’s working and what’s not working and how can we make it work? 

Let’s share our tools and our wisdom with one another and learn to work and live cooperatively within our families so that we can shift those deeply ingrained patterns that no longer work for us and create the joyful, harmonious, laughter filled environment in our homes, our child cares, and our schools.

Live Harmoniously ~ Laugh Delightfully ~Learn Joyfully

* adapted from practice outlined in Eckhardt Tolle’s The New Earth

Maggie's Bio: Maggie Reigh is an international speaker, playshop facilitator, and storyteller, as well as a certified hypnotherapist. She is the author of the book and program series '9 Ways to Bring Out the Best in You & Your Child', and of the family activity package, 'Taking the Terror Out of Temper Tantrums'. Maggie specializes in helping people to release deeply embedded thought and behavior patterns that no longer work so that they can create joyful, positive, and meaningful relationships with self and others. Contact Maggie through her website. Lake Country BC - Maggie Reigh Website - Email