Advocating for a Elder - February 2012

How to advocate for your loved one

By Del Muzzillo

If you have an elder in your life and you would like them to have a holistic, integrated health/treatment plan then you will have to advocate for them.

If you have been following this series, you already know that my slant is towards early intervention and prevention. Through healthy lifestyle choices we can do much to prevent and reduce many of the ailments connected to aging. My approach is one of integration and it is holistic. We are dealing with whole human beings, not machines.

As with almost all human cultures since the beginning of time, our elders are the wisdom keepers of our family, community, and nation. It is a great privilege to become an elder. And it is also a great privilege to care for an elder; even more so if that elder is one of our parents.

And in caring we do our best. We make sure our parent(s) have the best nutrition, the right supplementation, and stays mentally/physically active. We make sure their personal living space is safe. We do all the right things.

But, no matter what we do, the time comes when our parent(s) need additional assistance, beyond what we can provide on our own.

We then are faced with additional support coming into the home, or a move into a safer environment (such as an “assisted living” facility or worse yet: a “residential care” facility.)

As long as the home is safe and functional, staying home is always the first choice. Would you like to be taken out of your home when it is the one place that always feels familiar and safe?  Who are we to “make” that decision for them? Often the decision comes down to money more than it does safety or wellbeing. Don’t let yourself get caught in that trap.

If an elder loves their home and they really want to stay in their own home then it is up to us to support them in making that happen. Period. With the technology available today, with the many home support options and companies providing that service, and new developments in adult day care, no one needs to be alone. 

Adult Day Care is an option that gives the stimulation and social interaction that we all need. If also gives some reprieve to the family caregivers. Yes, I realize that many of the current “adult day programs” might seem pretty lame. But, there are new and positive offerings looming on the horizon. One such offering is provided by “Gentle Hearts Adult Day Care” based in Victoria B.C. What they are doing should become a template for other locations to follow. Another is the upcoming SENICA L.E.A.P. program. It is exciting, invigorating, inspiring, safe, healthy, stimulating, and healing.  And with the new protocols and scheduling options that come with these innovative programs, it will soon be possible for families to have a full, productive work and social life AND be able to keep their parents in their own homes.

But until these are available everywhere, here is what you can do right now:

If you alone are managing your parent’s care then, in many ways, you will have an easier road ahead. If you have siblings, you will have a more complicated task, but then again you also might get some more help and relief.

You will want to develop a system of cooperative communication between you and your siblings so that you can have some form of consensus.  All voices should be heard, ESPECIALLY the parent in need. No matter how compromised they might be, involve them in all big decisions at whatever level they can be involved.

If there was ever a time when superior nutrition, proper hydration, appropriate exercise, effective supplementation, and meaningful stimulation were important, this is that time. But this is not the way of the conventional institutional system of elder care. So, it is up to you to make sure they get this.

What you will find is the within the present day system of senior care delivery that very few people have this knowledge base or interest. Those rare individuals who do are the shining stars of today, and they are setting a positive direction for the future.

Leaving your vulnerable parent to fend for themselves when it is no longer safe for them to do so can become an issue of elder abuse. But, turning them over to the current, conventional healthcare system and dumping them off at some nursing home maybe no better.

But, no need to despair, there is a way that we can still assure that this integrated approach to elder care can be provided to our parent, even if they end up in a residential care facility. That way is to become a partner and advocate.

If you take on the role of being your parent(s) advocate, and you continue to provide care (with the assistance of the either the home support staff or the residential care facility staff) then you are bridging both worlds for your parent. And that is the best care that anyone would expect. You will feel good about it. Your parent will feel loved and truly cared for, and you will actually make life much easier for the staff involved.

To take on this task, you will need to inform yourself. There will be lots to learn, but when you think about it, there was a lot to learn when you had your first child (or your first horse, dog, cat, goldfish, etc) wasn’t there? No different now.

With your growing and evolving knowledge base, you will now be ready to set the stage. Whether that be with a home support company, a government agency, a healthcare provider, or a care facility; one thing will remain the same. YOU need to be the manager of their care. Make it known from the beginning, but also let them know that you are happy to work with them in a cooperative way to jointly provide the best care for your parent.

By doing so, you are making their life a lot easier.

In fact here is the hierarchy: Your parent calls the shots (to whatever level they are capable).   You translate that into action. You communicate that to the administration. They comply. On each and every issue. Do not let them try to paint you as the “problem”. Yes, there are still a few “dinosaurs” out there who resist family involvement. In their eyes, the wellbeing of the institution trumps the wellbeing of the resident (your parent) and their family. These people need to be removed from their position and put out to pasture. They do not belong in modern, humanistic elder care. But, fortunately, a new model is emerging where partnership and cooperation between facility and family is supported.

If you have been caring for your parent up until now, then you are already used to scheduling at least some time each day to provide that care for them. Many people make the mistake of thinking that once they hire outside home-support or put their parent in a nursing home, that their job is done. Not even close!

Present day residential care facilities are generally quite understaffed. There is no way that your parent is going to get the level of care that they really need, nor are they going to get the stimulation that they require, unless you bring it in to them.

Now, I know this might sound harsh but either you do it, or you will have to hire someone who you can really trust to do it. Your choice.

One of the reasons that it is always better to have parent at home is that it is much easier to control the quality of care, food, activities, medications, etc. Once they are put in a residential care facility, you will lose some of that control. For example: YOU need to monitor what medications they are being given. Always insist on a natural approach first.

Remember, every minute that you are there caring for your parent, and every minute that you take your parent out of the facility, is a minute that the staff do not need to. Based on that alone, they should be giving you their full cooperation and support. 

Above all, make sure your parent has access to high quality whole food, proper hydration, exercise, connection to nature, animals, children, and make sure that they are not over-medicated with medications that almost always have a negative side effect. If you can do even just this, you have given your parent a fighting chance.

Of course, there is a win/win/win solution looming out there that solves all of these issues (and just about every other issue raised over the course of the past five articles) and that solution is SENICA. Whether that is Healthy Aging, Elder Care Training, the L.E.A.P. (Life Enhancing Activities Program) centers, and the residential care facility of the future, the SENICA Project is the most progressive, positive, cost effective service of its kind anywhere in North America.

It is being created by a team of leading edge professionals and experts in the fields of integrated medicine, wellness, human potential, elder care, sustainable building, and much more.

It represents nothing less than the total reform of elder care. It has been designed from the ground up to use only the best practices and best technology combined with loving, compassionate care at all levels. Isn’t this what we all want anyway?

A template is being created at this moment that will make it possible for this great service to be replicated in dozens of communities within the U.S. and Canada. It is set up to be privately funded.   Imagine the investment opportunities? Imagine the career opportunities? Imagine what this can and will do for our elders and their families?

If you want to go it alone, like many of us already have, it will be a challenging yet very rewarding journey. I wish you the very best of luck, and am always available to share what I (and my colleagues) have learned over the years to support you on your journey.

If you feel moved to possibly get involved with the positive evolution of elder care, then I would invite you to contact me. If any of this has struck a chord in you and you are interested in learning more about this, feel free to contact me

 Whatever your direction, be well. Take good care of your parent(s) and any elders who you are fortunate enough to have in your life. May they and you have a blessed journey.

Del's Bio: Del Muzzillo has been involved in the wellness industry, the health resort business, and the human potential world for over 35 years. He has served at a leadership level in these areas in Canada as well as three decades in the U.S. He has brought this background into the field of aging and especially in the care of elders. He presently is directing the SENICA Project which aims to reform elder-care with a modern holistic approach. 250-328-8834 - Email